Ask for more money
Come on, really? You should have sorted this out during the job offer stage.
Show up late
This is surely an obvious no-no. If anything, turn up an hour early and sit in a coffee shop for a while. It's very important that you come in on time on day one. Your presence will be anticipated and people will notice.
Who do you think you are?
You must refrain from the complain (rhymes). Even if you're unhappy about something, your first week is not the time to get honest about them.
Get too familiar too quickly
This is the worst kind of new starter, the one who nicknames everyone on day one. You need to ease in gently and take your time. You're not going to have best pals overnight because life doesn't work that way! FACT.
Oh no, you have to earn your bitching stripes my friend. It takes months or a significant bonding experience to establish a safe bitching partner within an organisation. Everybody needs a bitch, it's natural, but if you come in and this is all you do from day one, you're going to be perceived pretty badly.
Turn down lunch
It doesn't matter if you've already prepared a packed lunch, this is a vital opportunity to bond with and get to know your co-workers. Turning down lunch is rude on the first day, just grit your teeth and eat your packed lunch for dinner.
Voice overbearing and strong political or religious opinions
Do you really want to be THAT person? Week one is the worst time to voice your strong political or religious views. You might rub people up the wrong way at this early stage. Try to stay neutral and you'll find you can be open and honest about your feelings at a later date.
This should be a given. If your natural style is half-naked, tone it down A LOT. Check the company dress code and then dress a little bit smarter. Just for day one. This gives you a chance to scope out the vibe and see how far you can push the fashion boundaries further down the line.
Your first week will involve a lot of admin and getting to know your way around things but it is not an excuse to slack off. It's not cool to sit there all like 'I CBA' on day one, even if it's a regular conversation among your co-workers. If you join in, that just looks bad.
Why would you do this please? You might have had a break-up the night before, but for crying out loud (see what we did there) pull yourself together. We are all for conveying our emotions but not on day one. Not even on week one. Perhaps wait a few months if you last that long.
If you're still feeling apprehensive, check out our handy guide on beating those new job nerves. Starting a new job should be fun and enjoyable. Just remember what we've taught you and you will be absolutely fine! For more careers advice than you can shake a stick at, check out our dedicated jobseeker section. We also have shed loads of brand new marketing jobs on the site at the moment, so don't forget to have a browse.