The commute. One of humankind’s most feral yet necessary daily situations and one fraught with emotion and anguish. The commute in London is the Satan of all commutes, for one would rather be stuck in traffic in the comfort of their own vehicle, than slapped up against someone else’s sweaty back for thirty minutes. Living and working in London has its perks and if you’re looking for jobs in London, we would never seek to deter you, but we can’t sugar-coat the commute. We explore some of the most irritating commuter behaviours in existence on London’s transport network. Can you relate?
People who love skin-on-skin contact
We just don’t get this. Public transport is hardly a fountain of cleanliness so why make it worse by touching each other’s bare skin? It’s a sorry scenario when you’ve anchored your hand in a prime position which is perfect in relation to your height and mobility capabilities, when someone just comes along and positions their hand directly next to yours. Touching. There are a lot of options available to a person enrolling in this situation. They have their pick of the ENTIRE pole as well as multiple other poles, but instead they must place their hand so close to yours that your fingers may as well be interlaced. We may be in the commuting situ together, but there’s a line.
People who enjoy shouting “can you move down please”
You can tell they’ve waited weeks for their moment. The interesting thing about this commuter gripe, is the fact that it’s a perfectly acceptable and reasonable request to ask people to move into empty space to make room for new passengers and most of the time it makes complete sense, but it doesn’t make it any less annoying when these people pipe up. Perhaps the delivery is detrimental to the deed, causing an instant spread of irritation. There’s a sense that the culprit has taken to their stage in this moment. It’s a power trip. A pure thrill for the perpetrator and maybe that simply doesn’t sit well with the witnesses.
Passengers who don't move down inside carriages
The catalyst for the above problem are the people who refuse to move down inside the carriages at all. They hover at the end of each row of seats and just expect you to manoeuvre yourself around every body part they've got planted. They'd probably let you go through their legs they're that desperate to stay put! When you're on a busy rush-hour train, you have to deal with the fact that it's going to be uncomfortable and you really can't be fussy about where you stand. The good thing about rush-hour in London, is that it really doesn't try to pretend it's something it's not. You know what you've signed up for so suck it up and MOVE DOWN THE CARRIAGE!
The poles are long for a reason. They are designed for the clasping of multiple hands. They are not designed as a leaning post for every inch of one human body. A busy rush-hour tube with a pole hugger is simply unbearable. Asking them to move would require you to actually speak on the tube (God forbid) possibly one of the most desperate situations of all. The worst aspect of the pole hugger phenomenon is the fact that they will openly and intently watch you struggling for space. They don’t shy away from the situation. They’ve no shame or concern as your little arms thrash around in a bid to hang on for dear life. In some professions, the pole hugger would also be known as a sociopath.
THE WORST breed of human that ever existed. They’ll cough on you, sneeze on you, sit on you, dump their coats in your lap; you name it, they’ve probably done it during a tube journey to some poor, unsuspecting target. Space invaders are happy to flick their hair in your face so that it gets caught in your teeth. They relish in the claustrophobia of the morning commute which gives them the chance to be infuriatingly annoying in a confined yet safe environment. Being a space invader is incredibly self-indulgent. They know they can get away with these behaviours on the tube because no one dares to speak out in this highly delicate situation.
This should be banned. Tubes should have stench security or something. People who smell should not be allowed to travel at peak times. There are many different categories where smelly people are concerned, but breath is much worse than alien body-odour in our overall tube experience. You can hold your breath whilst in the midst of someone else’s “smell-cloud” but you can taste bad breath aroma the second its heat stings your nostrils. The warmth, the spice and the toxic breeze sensation make for a truly horrifying encounter. Worse than body odour which doesn’t tend to circulate in quite the same way. Don’t get us wrong, we don’t like body odour but at least it doesn’t chase you around the carriage like bad breath smell can.
The pre-apocalyptic atmosphere
How astounding is it when the driver makes a witty announcement and all of a sudden, the sullen faces you’d spent the last ten minutes drowning in become animated like a cartoon brought to life for the very first time. Full of exultation, it’s fascinating to note that they actually are real humans with feelings and possibly a sense of humour. Communicating with fellow passengers on the tube is generally perceived to be an alien behaviour, so on the rare occasion it occurs, it can come across as a bit of a shock. The atmosphere on the tube in rush-is not dissimilar to the very beginnings of a zombie apocalypse movie.
Hopefully this has entertained you slightly. London is a ruddy amazing place to live and work. If anything, it's marginally enjoyable to moan about commuting. Every city has commuter problems. It's all part of the adventure. If you're looking for a new job in London, check out what's on offer OnlyMarketingJobs at the moment. With thousands of jobs waiting for talented candidates like you, what do you have to lose? If you need advice on updating your CV, interview tips or if you just fancy a bit of entertainment then check out our fabulous career advice section.